There is nothing love in the world more than this little girl, except my biggest girl and my big boy. Looking at her perfect sleepy face, clutching her frog, is perfection to me. I found everything that I wanted to find in my life the minute I felt Krystal stir in my womb. When I gave birth to her, tearing in the process, I felt empowered. It was a feeling like I had never known. It said "I can push a child out my vag with barely any medical intervention" I am a hero to myself.

When I delivered Joey, I was induced because I was 2 days overdue and impatient. I delivered a beautiful amazing little boy with the help of Pitocin and an amazing epidural. I felt like Supermom because I could handle a colicky little man and an almost 3 year old little girl.

This time around I had a less than ideal pregnancy and every moment I loved being pregnant with the other two, I hated this time around. I went into labor on my own and was excited to try and make a go of it drug free this time. When the OB said I should probably get an epidural because she was going to break my water I agreed. I ended up needing an emergency c-section because of a prolapsed cord. Instead of feeling like a failure because I needed a c-section, I felt amazing because I had lived through my second biggest fear and beaten it down. I had won.

At first Peyton proved to be a difficult child, like Joey, but as she grows and changes she begins to mellow out and have these moments of extreme joy. I look at her and realize that our family never would have been complete without her. I would have longed for her for the rest of my life. I may not have known it, but something would have always been missing for me.