Craft Day

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....... So today was craft day at my house, which I decided should be Tuesday since today is the first day of summer vacation. On Sunday Todd, the kids and I went to Michaels and I let them pick out little inexpensive craft things to do while on summer vacation. Thanks to my SIL I also have a bunch of sites with really cool ideas too.

Today Krystal chose to color "Lily" the name she bestowed on her wooden doll, and Joey colored in his J that he had to find, that Todd discovered while rooting around in all the letter bins.

They had a great time today, and I can't wait to see what next Tuesday brings!

3 months

Today is June 21st. On March 21st at 3:53 am you were pulled forth from my stomach with a huge cry. I sobbed from joy and relief behind the blue drape that separated me from seeing you. It was a while before they handed you to Daddy and at that point the morphine kept me from seeing you clearly, but I knew you were perfect. When I was brought back to my room, you were placed into my arms and I held you up to my nose and breathed you in. Your real, natural unaltered scent. It was a perfect moment.

Over the next few days in the hospital it was just me and you most of the time. I got to learn every single inch of your body. I enjoyed snuggling you close, pulling off your hats to admire your head of dark hair. Unswaddling you to peek at your dark gray eyes. Touching your tiny toes and fingers.

When we got home, I loved feeling you sleep on me, when you pushed your body into my neck so you could snuggle there. Love was when I could make you stop crying simply with a cuddle.

Over these past three months I have watched you change from a newborn to a baby, and every day my love for you grows and changes too. I live for one of your smiles or coos. I laugh when you punch me in the face. I smile when you grin at your toys with your bright eyes.

You are getting to be so big now Peyton, and while I love every second of it, a small part of me is sad because I am watching a baby grow, change and meet milestones for the last time. Try not to grow as fast as Krystal and Joey did. I want to love my baby as long as you will let me

Running a marathon while never leaving the house!

Does anyone else feel the same? I feel like a crazy woman all day contemplating all the things in my house that need to be cleaned or done. Every day is a constant battle in my head of importance. Falling behind makes me feel like a failure, which to me is not an option.
It seems like the bigger kids don't understand or care how hard I work, when they come home and throw their stuff all over the place and destroy the bedrooms that I worked so hard to straighten while they were in school.
There is nothing more that I love more than my children, but Mommyhood is one of the most thankless (as well as thankful) jobs in the world. The thankful part is the hugs, kisses, cuddles, i love yous, hastily drawn stick people on construction paper with your name written above them, awesome school made mothers day presents where your children claim the best thing my Mommy cooks is cereal or pasta (My culinary skills obviously need some brushing up!) The sneaking downstairs well past bedtime to cover my face in kisses, making it impossible to threaten with a spank.
The thankless parts are the wall art made with pencil, marker and crayon that won't wash off. The paint on the carpet from finger painting, the dragging out of every toy you put away that morning. Pulling out every clean piece of clothing and strewing it out on the floor with the dirty so that they all need to be washed again. The "I hate you" that you wish your 8 year daughter would take back because it is too early to hear that.
And of course your babys father, whether that be your husband, boyfriend or some person you met in a bar and forgot their name. Whether they are there or not, it's all the same. Mine is as big of a help as one could expect. He is amazing.....when he is home to help at least. But when he is, he tries to help.....by undermining my authority as a parent. It's wonderful he wants to step in and help, but all it will serve to do is confuse my kids and make them not listen when i have them by myself all summer.
And the most thankless part of being a Marathon Mom (Or SAHM if you prefer) is the lack of 2 incomes, especially when your 1 income isn't much to write home about. I doubt we will ever be able to take our kids on vacation, or to Disneyworld. I doubt Todd and i will get to renew our vows in 3 years and go on the honeymoon cruise I wanted to go on.
That being said, every kiss, hug, and baby sleeping in my arms is worth it. The thankful outweigh the thankless and the smiles come more often than the tears.
I run a marathon in my home every day. I am exhausted, worn out in tears most days, but every morning I awake with a smile....lucky to be blessed with all I have.

There is nothing love in the world more than this little girl, except my biggest girl and my big boy. Looking at her perfect sleepy face, clutching her frog, is perfection to me. I found everything that I wanted to find in my life the minute I felt Krystal stir in my womb. When I gave birth to her, tearing in the process, I felt empowered. It was a feeling like I had never known. It said "I can push a child out my vag with barely any medical intervention" I am a hero to myself.

When I delivered Joey, I was induced because I was 2 days overdue and impatient. I delivered a beautiful amazing little boy with the help of Pitocin and an amazing epidural. I felt like Supermom because I could handle a colicky little man and an almost 3 year old little girl.

This time around I had a less than ideal pregnancy and every moment I loved being pregnant with the other two, I hated this time around. I went into labor on my own and was excited to try and make a go of it drug free this time. When the OB said I should probably get an epidural because she was going to break my water I agreed. I ended up needing an emergency c-section because of a prolapsed cord. Instead of feeling like a failure because I needed a c-section, I felt amazing because I had lived through my second biggest fear and beaten it down. I had won.

At first Peyton proved to be a difficult child, like Joey, but as she grows and changes she begins to mellow out and have these moments of extreme joy. I look at her and realize that our family never would have been complete without her. I would have longed for her for the rest of my life. I may not have known it, but something would have always been missing for me.

Jealousy is an evil monster

I have a friend, who has her own blog, who brings out the green eyed monster in me, I'll admit. She takes perfect photos of her beautiful kids with her expensive camera. She has Crafty Mondays where she does a different art project with her kids every week. She is not afraid to let them make a huge mess and have fun. She EBFs and co-sleeps and is Super Mom.

Then you have me.....a breast feeding failure, who refuses to have any art supplies in the house because the only art projects Joey makes are on the walls of his bedroom. Pretty soon I am going to be unable to take ANY pictures of my kids because my 1 year old camera is breaking and the lens cover things don't pull back on their own anymore and don't always stay retracted if I manually do it.

I really think we need to have a craft day, this Mom really makes me feel like a bad Mom on almost a daily basis. She always does stuff with her kids and even makes playing outside an adventure. I know a lot of it has to do with the areas we live in......she lives in North Carolina and I live in the ghetto and don't have any backyard to adventure in, or a vehicle most days to transport them in, but we are good.

Monday June 28th is the start of Todd's vacation. That day Todd, me, the kids and our BIL and SIL are going to the Salem Witch Museum, Sonic for lunch and then Sturbridge village. I can't wait to go and have some fun. Hopefully I will be able to get some pictures. Maybe I will try to borrow my Moms camera.

10 weeks

It's been a long crazy 10 weeks of reflux, gas, temperature control issues, serious over-stimulation. It has also been full of first smiles, coos and playtime. Snuggles and Peyton learning how to get what she wants. Having a third child has been a crazy struggle at times and I often feel like I am on a tightrope really close to falling off. But when my hair is falling out and turning gray, I realize I wouldn't have it any other way.

New with me: I am embarking on a weight loss challenge with an incredible group of Moms. Even if I lose, I am glad I am in it with them. I am free from Group Owner Hell, and I am looking to move to cheaper, but better housing. My family needs a change.

Krystal is looking forward to the school year ending and moving on to third grade. She is still recovering from the cat scratches mentally and is often fearful of our big, lovey, dopey cat.

Joey is obsessed with Wii Sports and wants to do nothing else besides play it all day. He is a HORRIBLE sport though when it comes to losing. He has a serious temper.

Peyton is smiling more, sleeping less during the day and sleeping most of the night.

Todd is working as always, we don't see each other nearly as much as I would like to.

My goals for this week: meal plan, do some laundry, conquer the world..... i will let you know next week how all that goes.