It has been almost three years since I last posted. Three long, crazy years. In that time we found an adorable rental house in a small town with an amazing lake view (it may not be perfect. but it is perfect for us) and my kids have grown by leaps and bounds. Krystal is almost 12. Joey is 9 and my little Peyton will be turning 4 (despite me telling her not to grow up.) It has been crazy. We got a puppy. and we added 5 cats since I last posted about my one dopey, loveable, old kitty. I am probably replacing the future children I will never have with cats, making myself a crazy cat lady.
I never became that crafty Mom that I wished to be and I still chase my children around, cleaning up after them, cringing at the muddy footprints and the crayon scribbles Peyton does on the wall when I am not looking. Everything changes and nothing changes.
My husband still works all the time, still third shift, and sleeping during the day. We struggle at trying to keep a "normal" relationship, but the love is there and we are both willing to plug along at it.
We're approaching the time where I have to decide whether or not to register Peyton for preschool. She is 98% potty trained. Unknown issues with her digestive system lead to severe constipation and she holds her poop until the physical pain is too much for her, and then the pain of passing leaves her covered in a film of sweat and shaking. We have been to specialists, medicated her, changed her diet and nothing has helped yet. I am afraid to put her in school because of it, and unsure if they will even allow her to enter.
I struggle daily with my inner demons. I wonder how many other Mothers feel the same way. Am I good enough as a Mom? Do I keep my home clean enough? Do I yell too much? Do I baby my children too much? When can I find a second to myself? There are many days where I don't bother to change out of my pajamas at all, or even brush my hair. I am embarrassed to admit that honestly, but I need to. I feel like I shouldn't bother if I am not going to leave the house. There is so much going on in my head at all times, mostly doubts about my skills as a Mom.
I never became that crafty Mom that I wished to be and I still chase my children around, cleaning up after them, cringing at the muddy footprints and the crayon scribbles Peyton does on the wall when I am not looking. Everything changes and nothing changes.
My husband still works all the time, still third shift, and sleeping during the day. We struggle at trying to keep a "normal" relationship, but the love is there and we are both willing to plug along at it.
We're approaching the time where I have to decide whether or not to register Peyton for preschool. She is 98% potty trained. Unknown issues with her digestive system lead to severe constipation and she holds her poop until the physical pain is too much for her, and then the pain of passing leaves her covered in a film of sweat and shaking. We have been to specialists, medicated her, changed her diet and nothing has helped yet. I am afraid to put her in school because of it, and unsure if they will even allow her to enter.
I struggle daily with my inner demons. I wonder how many other Mothers feel the same way. Am I good enough as a Mom? Do I keep my home clean enough? Do I yell too much? Do I baby my children too much? When can I find a second to myself? There are many days where I don't bother to change out of my pajamas at all, or even brush my hair. I am embarrassed to admit that honestly, but I need to. I feel like I shouldn't bother if I am not going to leave the house. There is so much going on in my head at all times, mostly doubts about my skills as a Mom.
